


Empty Chairs

by Thelastpilot



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: F/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:29:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25636567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thelastpilot/pseuds/Thelastpilot
Summary: When someone leaves your life you see their absence in all things, and your perception of the world is forever shifted, just barely. Life becomes much harder when every chair looks like an empty chair, and no one else knows well enough to see it too.
Relationships: Alya Césaire/Nino Lahiffe
Comments: 7
Kudos: 92





	Empty Chairs

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is inspired by the possible origin of Nino's hat as implied in a tweet.

Nino’s house was full of noise, usually. It was four people, but it always seemed like more than that. There were always songs playing in different rooms at different times so it would feel like loading into a new area in a video game every time you turned a corner. There was always cooking or bickering or talking happening at nearly every hour, punctuated by singing or rambling, or anything really. The Lahiffe’s loved noise, or at the very least they were certainly good at it.

But today the only noise came from Chris.

Nino’s little brother was playing in the living room, like he usually did. He was sprawled out on every surface like a bird making a nest, every single object that he thought might be necessary to his entertainment strewn around him. His radius was getting wider with every minute, happily pulling down colorful blankets from the couch to add this his secular chaos.

He didn’t pay much mind to the quiet of the house, he knew where everyone was if he thought he might need them. At most he might have noticed that no one was stopping him today, and his play time was not interrupted by the demand to clean up or quiet down. He didn’t see his parents much, both of them drifting past to check on him every once in a while, asking him if he needed something in subdued voices. The most he saw of his mother was the once or twice she came in to watch, looking over him silently as he involved himself in his games.

She would come up to him sometimes, running her hands through his hair and holding him close. For the most part though she was distant, but he didn’t mind that so much.

He never saw Nino at all, aware of the fact that he must be home but not seeing him. Chris pouted a little when he noticed this, prepared to barge in when the stilted nature of the house was broken by a sudden, perky knock at the door.

The door remained shut for awhile long than was usual, despite the fact that Alya could clearly hear Chris yelling his head off to announce someone was there. She was alone in the hallway but she rolled her eyes nonetheless, sighing deeply but still smiling a little.

Chris was _loud_ , all the time. It was one of Nino’s primary complaints about him, although she knew how much he loved him. Thinking of her boyfriend she smiled again, feeling pretty pleased with her spontaneous decision to drop in. She had been nearby and liked the idea of dragging him out with her, coming by unannounced on a weekend. She was in the midst of imagining what their impromptu date night might look like when the door finally opened, revealing the kind, withdrawn face of Nino’s mother.

“Oh, hello sweetheart,” Mrs. Lahiffe greeted her, a polite smile gracing her face. “Nino hadn’t told me you were coming over.”

“He doesn’t know,” Alya announced with a sly smile, “I just happened to be nearby and thought I might come by, if that’s okay. I was hoping to drag him out somewhere anyways.”

To her surprise, his mother stalled, her polite smile falling slightly into gentle concern. “Oh, he didn’t know you were coming?” She paused, and the way she looked over her shoulder made Alya hesitate slightly. When she looked back her expression was extraordinarily gentle, finally saying, “Actually, I’m not sure he is in the mood for visitors honey. Well I suppose I can ask, I know you came all the way up here…” she paused again, mulling it over.

“O-oh well, um,” Alya stuttered, surprised at the turn. “I hadn’t realized it was a bad time, I didn’t mean to-,”

“Let me ask,” Mrs. Lahiffe interrupted her, smiling kindly again but… Alya noticed this time that it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Maybe he wants the company. Just wait here, okay?”

“Yeah sure, no problem,” Alya was quick to agree, trading a slight nod with her before she gently shut the door again.

A slight rebuff like that, as kind as it possible could have been, was still cause for overthinking. Alya couldn’t help but feel a little stupid suddenly, wishing she had shot him a text of some kind. It was too late now though, but she wasn’t kept waiting for long before the door opened again and Nino was looking out at her.

Before he could even speak, Alya’s heart hesitated in its beat. She always considered herself observant, especially with things she knew very well. It only took a fraction of a second for her to recognize Nino’s subdued expression. The kind that came on with quiet moments alone where he thought himself into a spiral. It was so subtle, just the way his smile touched his eyes just barely. The way he tilted his head, how his voice carried when he greeted her.

“Hey baby,” he said after seemingly forever in her mind, though it was only an instant. As he looked at her, his smile became a little easier. “I didn’t know you were coming. If you texted me I’m sorry I- I wasn’t ghosting you I’m just not looking at my phone.”

“No I um, I didn’t really give a heads up I was just nearby.” She paused, about to say something more when he stepped to the side.

“Come on in, my rooms a mess but I know you don’t care.”

“I don’t have to,” she quickly gave him, stopping him as he had already been turning to head inside. “If it’s a bad time.”

“Nah,” was all he said.

They sat in his room somewhat quietly, Nino filling the time with aimless chitchat. He was barely paying attention to what he said, seeming tired and distracted to her. His room was about as cluttered as it usually was, clothes and controllers hanging around but swiftly shoved to the side when he realized there was nowhere to sit really.

She couldn’t help how closely she watched him, waiting only long enough for a break in his rambling to ask, “Babe, is everything okay?”

He had been standing by his bed when she finally got it out, his back to her as she sat in his computer chair. She focused on the way his shoulders… stilled, and then purposefully relaxed, analyzing his expression when he turned to face her.

“Yeah, it’s good.” He hesitated. “Why?” he asked a beat too late, meeting her eyes after another moment too long.

“Well… I know I kind of just swung in. Your mom mentioned that you might not be in the mood for visitors. And you haven’t texted me all day, I mean I just assumed you were working but…” she trailed off intentionally, hoping he might fill in.

To her surprise he frowned slightly. “Did she say that?” He scanned her eyes and found some kind of affirmative, nodding to himself. He turned away and fussed with his bed for a second.

He only waited for awhile more before he sighed, sitting on the mattress.

“Yeah,” he finally muttered aloud, surprising her again with its heaviness. Nino ran a hand over his face, displacing his glasses and sighed heavily, like the effort of the thin performance he had managed was extraordinary and taxing.

Alya’s reaction was instant, crossing the space and climbing on the bed, her heart starting to race as he leaned into her, letting her hold him without complaint or comment. He sagged into her, breathing deeply like he was gathering his resolve.

“Babe what is it?” Alya pressed again, trying to be patient but so caught off guard by it that she felt that urgent need to correct it. They had been together for a long time though, and she knew that pushing wouldn’t work.

Nino sighed. And was quiet for awhile.

After a few minutes he sat up slightly, staring forward at nothing, she thought.

He could be so motionless sometimes… when he was wrapped up in something she couldn’t even picture. It was so rare to see him like this. Anger and disappointment were more common with him, though he let so much roll off his back in general. She knew how to handle that the same way he knew how to handle her difficult moments.

But she almost never knew what to do when he felt so far away from her, still and subdued.

She waited for a long time, before suddenly, he apologized.

“I’m sorry Al,” he finally gave her, his voice low and heavy. “I feel like somehow you’re gonna be mad at me.”

“Mad?” she responded, waiting for him to look at her but it didn’t come, he just kept looking forward. She traced his eyeline to his desk, where she noticed for the first time his red baseball cap lay discarded. She hadn’t even noticed he wasn’t wearing it. She looked between him and the hat, saying again when he seemed content to say nothing, “What would I be mad about?”

He was quiet again, and she forced herself to breathe, demanding of herself that she be patient. He took a deep breath as well, and she could feel him absently running his hand against her back.

“There’s some stuff I’ve never mentioned to you. We’ve been dating for years now, now that I think about it… it’s fucking crazy that I never said anything. I should have, I don’t know why I didn’t. It’s just hard, and old. But you don’t even know and I hate that but I was the one who didn’t say it so- fuck.” He paused, putting his face in his hand again, taking off his glasses entirely now and setting them aside. His voice filled with emotion as the words got faster, cutting off abruptly when he stopped himself, like a dam on a river.

Alya just waited, knowing that he had momentum now. She watched him carefully as he prepared himself for something. And when he took his hand away from his face he looked pained, and then frustrated, and then far away again. Distant.

The moment hung in the air between them…

The sun had started its slow descent at much the same time Alya had arrived, the light of it so bright against the prevailing face of Nino’s apartment building that his room had been ablaze with it, and he had felt no need to turn on his light. With that forgotten and the sun pitching low, sinking beyond the threshold of the tall buildings of Paris, the space was abruptly dim… the fire of sunset shrinking up his walls and vanishing from his face. In that dim light he was still… staring ahead and seeing nothing much.

Nothing but an old hat that looked dull in the shade.

“I have an older brother.”

When he finally spoke, his voice was even but quiet… anchoring himself to Alya’s presence besides him even if he couldn’t look at her just then.

Nino took a deep breath, and closed his eyes. Willing himself to continue.

“Today would have been his birthday. He died awhile ago, probably. I guess we don’t really know, but he was never found and he never came back. I don’t think he would ever just disappear on his own, it wouldn’t have been like him. He loved us and we had a happy home, it wasn’t like he would run away. He wouldn’t take off on me.” He paused, and then took another deep breath, taking time to steel himself. “There was a pretty big age gap between us, my parents had married young and they had him right away, they didn’t decide to have me until after they moved to Paris. So I was eleven when he disappeared. Mom was pregnant with Chris when it happened. He wasn’t born until five months later.”

He still couldn’t look at Alya… but he focused on the way she held him tighter, reaching one hand to lightly touch the locks of her hair that spilled over her shoulder.

They were soft, and he could picture the color of the ends with perfect recall.

He had her memorized.

“… what was his name?”

When she spoke it was so gentle, careful and full of concern. His heart finally hit an uneven pace, his fingers curled in her hair.

“Noah.”

“…what was he like?”

“You aren’t-…,” Nino hesistated, finally opening his eyes and turning his head, still not quite looking at her. “You aren’t angry?”

“Why would I be angry with you?” She pulled away from him slightly, but he moved to hold her still so quickly it was like the reflex of a child learning how to swim. ‘Don’t move away from me yet I can’t do it on my own.’

He couldn’t look her in the eye, so he settled for watching her lips, wondering how she wasn’t scowling like he expected. Just tight, concerned.

“It’s a big thing.”

“It’s a personal thing.”

“I still should have said something to you. You came along after he was gone but… he’s still my family. I should have shared him with you I just… couldn’t. I didn’t know what to say.”

Alya touched his chin, steering his eyes up and looking through him, it felt like.

He always got so quiet and distant. But she could see him hiding there, behind even tones and trailing sentences. He was pretending like it was all okay and a long time ago and thinking about it didn’t change anything and crying doesn’t bring him back and its been too long Nino just let it go he isn’t coming back things change all at once and they don’t go back-

And she was holding his face, saying his name and pulling him towards her, letting him collapse into her.

He clung to her like his swimming lesson had gone to the deep end… it was dark and deep and he didn’t know how to do it yet.

He hated how he was always going to feel like a little kid, waiting for his big brother to come home.

Alya knew to let him go quiet, just holding him tightly. The house was still too, except for the energetic play of a little boy who didn’t realize he was missing anything.

It was during one of Chris’ loud bellows that Nino sighed, speaking again somewhat bitterly.

“I hate that Chris never met him. We’ve told him about Noah but it doesn’t mean much to him. How can you teach a kid to miss somebody? What’s even the point of trying… would it be better somehow if he missed him too?” Nino leaned into Alya heavily, staring at his hands. “It bothers me when he draws pictures of his family and Noah isn’t in them. That’s not his fault, but I hate it.”

Alya nodded slowly, glad he was talking again. “My mom said once that loss is hard because it changes everything. She described losing my grandma and she said it wasn’t just her absence. It was how a chair becomes an _empty_ chair.” Alya hesitated slightly, wondering if this was even appropriate to say, but attempting to relate to him somehow. “It must be hard to see it in everything.”

“Empty chairs,” Nino agreed, his tone low. “Empty spots on the couch, full boxes of stuff he used to use every day.” He looked up slightly, drawing her attention again to his hat. “Stuff he used to wear all the time.”

Alya said nothing at first, looking at the old hand-me-down hat and appreciating what it meant to him. She had always known his hat was incredibly important to him, it wasn’t a joke and he never thought it was funny when other people touched it. Now she realized why.

She tried to imagine someone who looked a lot like Nino, but older. Her picture of him was hazy and indistinct, but the hat she pictured on his head made it realer somehow.

“Nino?”

He turned slightly at his name, moving slowly, but eventually looking at her. His expression was soft, and reserved, scanning her face and watching her with some unperceivable emotion.

Alya crafted her words carefully, doing her best to be gentle. “I’m sorry I never got to know him. And I’m sorry you don’t have him. But, maybe you could tell me about him.”

Nino kept staring, but after awhile he smiled slightly. It was a somber image, but there was something nostalgic there too.

“Well I can tell you one thing for sure.”

“What?”

He smiled, tears in his eyes.

“He would have loved you…”


End file.
